Gawkerus on Mt Olympus reimagined!

Today on Mt. Olympus

High atop Mt. Olympus ZeuSLC, God of commenters, bellowed to Hezrodite, goddess of love and beauty, demanding his Gawkerus update. Hezrodite, never late with the updates, was horrified at the news she would have to bring to ZeuSLC. Dentonius was acting up again. All remember well the hellfire that rained from the mountain top the last time Dentonius got greedy with power. Will the Titans never learn?
Hezrodite meekly approached ZeuSLC and began. Dentonius had fired Tionnias, Emilias had quit and so had Choires. Dentonius was now posting. The only good news seemed to be the ascension of Lolcaitos from commenter to writer. ZeuSLC thundered from the hall for all gods and goddesses to come immediately. Dentonius needed to be dealt with swiftly.
Kewgathena, goddess of wisdom, war and crafts, arrived first with her consort Notares, god of war. They both wore worried expressions as they were never pulled from their struggle with the Iraq war. Next to arrive was Moffonysos, god of wine, mysteries and theater, who was having a real time of things with the writers strike in Hollywood. “Who would bother me now?” he thought. Hippermes (messenger of ZeuSLC), Spiritartemis (goddess of the hunt), Leedemeter (goddess of agriculture), DCDoseidon (god of sea and earthquakes), Cesaraistos (god of smiths and metal-workers), Obviousera (goddess of marriage)and Binkapollo (god of the arts) all arrived within a few minutes of the call. Those unable to make it would have to read the meeting’s minutes.
ZeuSLC called the meeting to order and Hezrodite started to speak…

Hezrodite: Fellow Olympians, we have a problem on our hands. Dentonius is changing Gawkerus’ platform. He is trying to become a legitimate news outlet.
[boos, hissing, murmurs,laughter]
ZeuSLC: ORDER!! Now is not the time for pandemonium. We need a plan of action of how to deal with this. Where will we get our snark now? What do we do with Dentonius? These are the issues that need addressing.
Notares: We could declare war on Gawkerus!
Kewgathena: Notares, normally I would agree with you, my beloved, but how can we declare war on just one Titan?
Binkapollo: I agree with Kewgathena, war will not work in such a case.
Moffynosos: I really need more wine to deal with this. I already have my hands full trying to deal with the return of the New York stagehands. Such a whiny lot.
Spiritartemis: I say we hunt him down!
Obviousera: Oh, and then what Spiritartemis? Eat him? He would be a mere few seconds of sport.
Leedemeter: I’d say catch him and plant his seeds, but that sounds all wrong.
DCDoseidon: We could always drown him.
ZeuSLC: DCDoseidon, that sounds good and all, but we are not finding a resolution for Gawkerus.
Cesaraistos: Leave Gawkerus to the Titans; it is rightfully theirs.
[whispers among the crowd]
Cesaraistos: Yes, I said it, leave Gawkerus to the Titans. Why not start our own? Are we not smart enough?
ZeuSLC: Cesaraistos, I believe you are on to something.
Kewgathena: Cesaraistos, I could kiss you! You are right. Why not start our own?
Notares: Could we do this? What would we write about?
Kewgathena: I could write about weapons and crafts. Why, I’ve even been known to draw here and there.
Hezrodite: I could write about love, and of course, revenge. Wait until you all see what I’m going to do to that JP fool!
Obviousera: Can’t we at least have some fun at Dentonius’ expense? Like marry him off to Alexsey Vaynor?
Binkapollo: We could boycott Gawkerus for a time to see what happens?
Notares: Always the peacekeeper, aren’t you Binkapollo?
Binkapollo: Remember the last time you said such a thing? Or do you need another arrow in your gluteus maximus?
Kewgathena: Boys, enough already. I believe a boycott is a logical solution for the time being. We could always throw darts at his picture instead.
Hippermes: ZeuSLC, is there a message to be delivered to Dentonius?
ZeuSLC: No, Hippermes, there is no message for Dentonius, but please contact our lawyer, Karena. She can help us with our next move.


Cast
ZeuSLC: Adam/SLC
Hezrodite: Hez
Kewgathena: Kewgr
Notares: NotAndersonCooper
Tionnias: Tionna
Lolcaitos: Richard LOLCait Lawson
Binkapollo: Binky’s Dream
Moffynosos: Moff
Spiritartemis: Spirit Fingers
Obviousera: The Obvious Child
Hippermes: Mr Hippity
Cesaraistos: Cesare
Karena: Karen Uh Oh
Leedemeter:Lee
DCDoseidon: DCD

The rest are self explanatory and I am leaving room to introduce more
characters before anyone’s feelings get hurt.

[I still have a fever if you are wondering.]