Merry Kitmas!

Hello all. Like many of you, it's been a very busy holiday season for the Kewgr. Please enjoy pics of my kitties modeling the latest in preppy and princess attire. Our black cat, Roman, is proudly sporting his bright green and black turtleneck sweater while Precious is wearing her pink quilted cape. On a side note please adopt a pet instead of "puppy mill" purchases. Roman was adopted from a shelter and Precious was a stray that no owner claimed after many fliers were posted and neighbors were questioned. When you finally do welcome a pet into your home, be responsible and spay or neuter them.

Happy Holidays to all, 2 legged and 4 legged alike!

Hello there fine folks. I managed to drain enough of the Jewgr's blood using my special crystal to get another post out of him. Apparently writing for his Shiksa boss is a small step above death. A very, very small one. So here it is another angry Jew bulletin.

"I am proud to admit to being politically incorrect. Perhaps even a bit misanthropic. Poking fun at our foibles is one way of keeping us grounded. There is even some kernel of truth to the stereotypes of race, religion, and ethnicity. Even our regional differences are open to ridicule, and rightly so.

Now having bored you with this pedantic tripe I would like to tell you about a friend of mine who felt the need of some religious inspiration. He decided to travel to the holy land, to walk the desert and reflect. While hiking, he thought he saw three figures approaching in the distance, a man walking next to a donkey and on the donkey was a woman holding a child. Needless to say he couldn’t believe his eyes. Approaching the man he inquired as to his name. Joseph was the reply, and that woman who is she? That is my wife Mary. At this point my friend had chills running up and down his spine. With great reverence he asked, the child that your wife is holding is his name Jesus. At which point the man said what we look like Puerto Ricans to you? Wishing you all a very merry X-Mass "-Jewgr

Well, well, well...isn't that special. Who should be more offended? Puerto Ricans, Catholics, Jews? How about none of you! It's a damn joke, let it go people. OK, it was a lousy joke, but a joke none the less. So in light, or lack there of, of this joke I am forced to remove a few bulbs from his menorah. So hah! Who's a Shiksa now?! Oh yeah me..whatever..

Please enjoy a picture of Peter Rabbit while I study for my chemistry final. You should also be grateful I have no designs on being a chemist :)

Taming the Jew Presents: The Angry Jew, Explained

Look, torture tactics work, people. It was great motivation for the Angry Jew. OK, that's getting cumbersome to say so let's shorten his moniker to Jewgr because I can and like it. I didn't waterboard Teh Jewgr or shove bamboo under his nails, he's lazy not a terrorist, but I did threaten him with Yani and a cat choir singing Jingle Bells, on repeat, until the work was done. What does he think I'm not paying him for? So here is Teh Jewgr's first work of art.

"Let’s face it, the Jews are an angry people. On the surface we might not seem that way, but take my word for it deep down we are pissed off. However, it’s not anybody’s fault, but our own. Right from the beginning we made some really bad choices. Look what happened in the garden. Adam was perfectly happy all by himself until Eve came along, and then all hell broke loose. But don’t get me started about Jewish women. Then it was Abraham’s turn. Sarah was a little too old to give him a son so she said “hey Abe check out the maid”. Bad move. The maid gets pregnant Sarah kicks her out and what happens? The Arabs. And what about circumcision. Abraham’s other great idea. Man I know that pissed me off. And now we come to Moses. This guy gets every body lost in the desert for 40 years never asks for directions (typical man) only to find a small Middle Eastern country with no oil. No wonder were so angry. "-Jewgr

Wow! Yes, you are an angry Jew aren't you? Go play some full contact photocopying to burn off some anger, then get back to work. Don't make me get the cats.

Well, for his freshman effort to please Teh Kewgr, I will light 5 of the lightbulbs in his electric Menorah.

Glow Kitties

Oh my God, people! Now you can find your cat in the dark. Please go here and check it out..
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071212/sc_afp/healthscienceskoreacloning

Dream Sports AKA Sports I Play in My Head

Tired of tennis, bored of baseball, fed up with football? Well do I have some utter nonsense, I mean fun, for you. Today's edition of Dream Sports is for me and my fellow cubi-plebes, full contact photocopying. Doncha just hate when YOU have an armload of copies to make and when you get there, lo and behold..a line. A line at the central copier much like free sample day at lunch time at the grocery store. How much would you love to elbow YOUR way to the front? Whose work could possibly be more important than YOURS? No one's, that's whose. Well suit up my friends it's time to play NKL's (National Kewgr League) full contact photocopying. Let's check out the point system:

7 points for the ultimate: actually printing more than one copy! (2 point loss if there's a paper jam or running out of paper-sorry!)

5 points for sacking the big hulking accountant line backer dude (he's such an ass, I mean, come on)

1 point for each minute YOU make someone wait for you (haha losers!)

3 point loss for brown nosing (printing for the boss or stopping your job for a manager to step in and print [you're still not getting promoted]-who's the loser now!)

*10 point bonus if you shove someone's tie in the paper feed rollers

Protective Gear Needed (safety first!):

Steel toe shoes
hairnet/beardnet
safety glasses
lab coat (try running in that, dork!)

Good luck and remember, no one is more important than YOU, especially at Christmas time!

Taste of Jamaica

Howdy Doody all!
I wanted to share a bit of secret with you. I am currently enjoying a little spot of edible heaven. Here's what I use:

4 oz of goat cheese, unseasoned
1 TBP of sugar
1 TBP of Italian bread crumbs
Sesame melba toasts

Melt down the packet of goat cheese in a small skillet on stovetop, heat just shy of medium. Add in the bread crumbs and sugar, mix and adjust to suit your taste. It should be a bit sweet with an almost sour-creamish finish. Scoop into a bowl and dip into the warm cheese using the sesame melba toasts, or spread onto crackers/toasts of choice for a great little party appetizer. It's a lot less fattening than cow cheese! Yes, I did create this on my own. I've been trying to duplicate an appetizer we had in Jamaica. Now I just need to add Jamaican rum in there somewhere! Mmmmm....enjoy!

Other Jamaican recommendations:
Appleton Estate Rum
Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee (Gevalia has been the best supplier so far-trust me, it is excellent black)

Memories

The holidays really get me emotional and I know I am not alone. One thing I rediscovered in a box of Christmas mementos was a picture of my great grandmother. It is a wonderful picture of her on a Merry-Go-Round's carousel horse; she must have been in her upper 70's at the time it was taken. She has been gone now for around 20 years and it still stings. In fact seeing the picture made me all weepy. Not just sad that she is gone, but just sooo many happy memories flooding back. She was the happiest person I knew. In fact Snuggle Bear made her tremendously happy. She couldn't quite wrap her head around what made him move and talk in the commercials. I even went out and bought her a stuffed one for a Christmas present one year. Turned out to be her last Christmas with us too; she was gone by Valentine's Day. Of all of the loving expressions I have ever heard, her's was the best. She used to tell me she "loved me a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck." I'd give anything to spend some more time with her and hear it one more time, but I can't ,yet. I'll meet her when my chores are through (Collin Raye song, "Love Me"). and until then I will love my children a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. Maybe some time this season some of you could try out that phrase on your loved ones-especially children, and enjoy the look on their faces as they think about it.

New Feature

Hello all! I have some interesting news, to me anyway. A Jewish friend of mine (I'm Catholic) has agreed to contribute weekly, and more if he's feeling really froggy. With him he brings his rapier wit and razor tongue-sounds dangerous huh? Hah! I'd tell you one of his Jewish jokes as a premier, but it only sounds racist coming from me! LOL!
So I think a good name for his contributions will be The Taming of the Jew.

Celtic jewelry, beautiful and timeless...

Hello again everyone! This is one of my favorite things. I receive regular news letters from this lovely store in Ireland!

[Merry Christmas from everyone at James Murtagh Jewellers, WestportWell, December 8th has passed and we're truly into the Christmas spirit at this stage. December 8th is the Catholic feast of the Assumption and the traditional start to Christmas. It was a day when everyone came to town, dress in their "Sunday Best", attended Mass and spent the rest of the day buying their Christmas gifts.As mentioned in our last newsletter, our regular customers know that we pride ourselves on 'the little things'! We ship all our jewellery in our personalised boxes which are gift-wrapped and placed in our store bag. We'll even write and include a gift card if you want! As we still get asked "do we gift-wrap?", I have taken a photo of the way we ship everything, gift-wrapped and packaged, just as through you visited our store personally. Every customer is just as special to us, whether you shop in store or on-line!****************************************We have also selected a number of Irish jewelry gifts which are available for immediate delivery. Click here for a look at our beautiful selection.]

courtesy of Celtic-Jewelry.com

Where's my Dammitol

I have a very contoversial topic for you to chew on. The death penalty. New Jersey is on its way to being the first state to abolish it since 1976 and replace it with life in prison without parole. I ask my readers, "What is the point?" Why have not enough people come to the conclusion that the tax payers will now be forced to pay to support these freaks-for life! Let's just assume a dollar a day for a child molesting murderer if the criminal went in at 30 and died at the ripe old age of 75. This amounts to $16, 425! Believe me this number is far from sufficient. Am I a staunch supporter of the death penalty? I wouldn't say so, but it is clear that we should fix it and keep it. Frankly some people do deserve, and deserve mightily, to be put to death. Just ask Megan Kanka's parents:



[Among the death row inmates who would be spared is Jesse Timmendequas, a sex offender convicted of murdering 7-year-old Megan Kanka in 1994. That case sparked Megan's Law, which requires law enforcement agencies to notify the public about convicted sex offenders living in their communities.Megan's parents urged legislators today to retain the death penalty."She was 7-years-old," Richard Kanka said of his daughter. "She was abducted. She was raped. She was strangled. She was suffocated. She was raped post-mortem. Her body was dumped in a park. Now if that doesn't constitute gross and heinous, I don't know what you people are thinking." (courtesy of Courier Post online http://www.courierpostonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071210/NEWS01/71210034)]


In my opinion NJ's heart is bleeding too much for all the wrong people anymore. In light of this and other news my father has a terrific feeding plan for alligator farming.

Hmm, there is a God, or at least functional kharma

Not so long ago and not so far away I worked for someone with an ego so large he required airport personnel to steer him through doorways. Yes it was that bad.
To condense, nearly everyone else in management lost their job as a direct result of his incompetence. He witheld informaton coming in from corporate from us. Two paths of direction, we had to follow his since he was there; corporate was far away. We, in our ignorance and even bliss at that point, believed the two directions were one. Not so. Corporate deadlines and multiple tasks were missed or unknown entirely. Thank you very much Mr. Ego.
Well, I received word over the weekend that the mighty have fallen and my first instinct was to do a happy dance. Then the shame rolled in. Mr. Ego has a wife and children. Turns out the suffering of people at his hands is not quite done. I think Jacob Marley needs to go visit someone else...

Me have a blue Christmas without big cookie...

Cookie Monster sings the blues and other Christmas decorations that are winning the battle. I do love Christmas decorating, but...oh, man. I was assembling my poor Charlie Brown artificial tree, and I do mean Charlie Brown tree, as the tree topper did make the tip flop over. This was only the fun once it was down here; the true fun was bringing it down-hah! It resides in the attic during the off season; the attic is 2 stairways up. Well needless to say whilst dragging it down 2 flights of steps I left a trail of tree entrails in my wake. I actually think I heard it cry during the agonizing trip down. During the reassembly process my cat decided to help out. This of course only meant that my black cat was covered in last year's silver tinsel. My husband is very worried that there will be some sparkly evidence left behind in the cat box! The thought of tinsel turds is hysterical and horrifying. Oh well, he looked very cute, so let's not think about that. Well I'm very tired and the current state of my normally immaculate dining room is depressing me a bit. There is a mahogany table under the baby Rudolph, Bumble(s), Santas, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer reindeer, Ice Ice Baby rappng snowman, carousel, singing Cookie Monster even a cat that sings Baby It's Cold Outside-it's bright pink with long eyelashes over light-up blinking eyes and a head that swivels..thanks dad.

Well, night all, got some Lewis Sructures to draw. Joy..

I am a Beatrix Potter fan!

I drew this a few years ago in colored pencil. Tell me what you think.

That there is an RV

Nay-bors, as in nay do. not. want.

I live next to the Cleverly Hillbillies. I kid you not. We have been treated to a plethora of sheer madness. I have brought this up before on another site, but 32 Halloween inflatables. 32 large Halloween inflatables. 32 eight foot plus inflatables up..all at once..in a yard that is approx 75 feet wide and 130 feet long. Let me add that they are all in the front yard, with the house. The back yard is behind fencing. So there is little room left for the inflate-a-zoo. In the front yard. All 32. Eight to twelve feet tall each. It is daylight all night long from the middle of September to November IN MY YARD!! There is also the joyous hum of 32 fans running ALL NIGHT LONG. Last year's show had a twelve foot vampire bat on my side of their yard. I could look out my second floor bedroom window and be eye to eye wih a bat. This has been the bane of our Halloween for the 3 years that they have lived there now. *sigh* This used to be the only madness that they assaulted us with. Now, we have some Christmas cheer. Cousin Eddie from Lampoon's Christmas Vacation has shown up...in his camper. A big 70's (?) Winnebago (sp, yr?). I can not describe the eyesore. For the utimate effect they have sheets of plywood nailed to one side of this monstrosity. Itadds a certain something..I'm adding a Lampoon's clip for fun, cause yes Cousin Eddie apparently lives next door. Can't wait til the shitter is full...

It's football day

On almost any given day I consider my husband's 61" big screen TV the antichrist of my Victorian living room. At least when it is off. It is a total crack addiction when it is on though, then I hate myself. So anyway it is football day in the house and we are all guilty of crowding around the tubeand doing little else, save for eating, drinking and some unfortuate cursing (and that's just the kids-I'm kidding, a little). I have to say, not being an Philly Eagles fan, what is up with Donovan? I do not get the hype; he is inconsistent at best and can not seem to see his receivers at the worst. I had such high hopes for Feeley, so close, yet so far away with against the dream team Pats-only to throw game changing interceptions. Pity. So now we're back to the Don. I wonder if Westbrook gets tired of carrying the offense? I really need a drink now. Gentleman Jack oughta do for now.
Well gotta go, I hear the false idol calling...

Holiday Shopping

What is wrong with people? Holiday shopping is a nightmare as is, but stupid people really up the ante. I returned an item to the store that was broken. Here comes stupid..
Clerk: So you don't want it?
Me: No, it's broken.
Clerk: So you want to return it?
Me: Uh, yes.
Clerk: So you don't want it?
Me: [just staring at talking vegetable clerk in disbelief]
Clerk: cash or store credit?
Me: [shakes head to return to unfortunate reality] cash is fine

Oh, another fine example of oddball store encounters. I stopped into a local Heritage's for coffee on the way to school the other night and as I walked in some guy walked by me and said something like "mm, mm, are you a fine lookin' woman." Sounding like a derelict Hanibal is not the way to my heart, even if it sounds like you only want to eat it, freak.

Anybody else out there on teh interwebs remember when a gas station attendant would actually ask you questions? It used to be pretty standard that the attendant would ask you if you wanted your oil and fluids, like washer fluid, checked. Now you are greeted my some crank who just walks to the window and stares. And stares some more, yet does not speak. Hmmm. Alrighty then. "Can I have 40 of the regular, please?" This is met with more silence as I hand over the card. Nope, still nothing-oh, no wait..The attendant asks "30?" Me, "no 40." More nothing as he walks away. I hear Jeopary music....The attendant returns with slip to sign and thrusts it through window, like up my nose, no words though. So I sign and return saying thank you...yeah, didn't think he'd say anything. Have a nice day to you too, pal.

God, I'm old and cranky.

First! Just kidding. This is about sprawl...

For my "losing my blogging virginity" post I want to start with..wait for it..suburban sprawl. A lot of my readers (well 1, if Elijah shows up) live in cities and may or may not know what I mean by sprawl. In the past decade or so I have watched many beautiful south Jersey farms either lose their land to eminent domain or sell out to builders. Builders who bring sprawl. Before some of you get offended this is a dumping ground for my thoughts; if you don't like it there are a gazillion ther blogs available to read. The rest who are interested please feel free to leave constructive feedback, whether in agreement or not. I do not engage in arguments for sport. There, nuff said. Back to sprawl. I commute to work along rte 322 and this has gone from many farms and fields to a McMansion domino ralley. It seriously looks like if one topples over, so go the rest. Another bizarre thing that gets me is there are probably hundreds of people in those homes that practice "green" living and recycle. Both good, but you did not recycle one of the biggest things there is. For everyone of those slap and tickle homes that was raised, an old house remained vacant. I guess this is also a sore spot for me; I live in a Victorian and she is around a 110 years old. Of course there is work that needs to be done, but she has stood for a over hundred years, so she is allowed to have flaws. These flaws are more than compensated for by the twin sets of bowed stained glass windows, oak hardwood floors, pine pocket doors, pine and oak staircase and pine columns. She is also graced by front and a side porches leading to beveled, leaded glass pine doors. Don't even get me started on the construction; her bones are very strong including floor beams in the basement that are at least 4x6 solid hewed oak beams. All of our male family members fawn over these alone (big, wood, Tim Allen grunting). Even the roof is a work of art, steeply pitched, multi-hipped, architectural shingles all topped by a cupola. A beauty surounded by cast iron fencing and even a converted gas lamp out front. To me, anyway, she is breathtaking in the snow, especially when she is dressed in her Christmas finest. Well, there are my random thoughts for now on sprawl. For everyone of the sprawl homes I see I picture an old home, that was built to last, getting plowed under. When I get my new camera I will take a picture of one of them sitting abandoned, still beautiful even in neglect. She'll fall soon and another thing of beauty will be gone from Earth forever. For all of you who have, want or support older homes, God bless. For those of you who unwittingly, or worse knowingly, puchased a slapped together sprawl home, good luck to you. My cousin suffered terribly in his, it cracked basement to roofline in multiple areas; it was truly scary and sad. As for the builders, those of you who are genuine and doing the proper thing please continue. The scam builders out there, may you end up living in one of the disasters that you created. They will not stand the test of time, let alone fire or harsh storms. Watch Holmes on Homes, he is certainly watching many of you.