The Kewgr

Gotta Have a Wawa: Too Much Gas?

2008-03-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

Hello all, got a warning for you. I will condense this as much as possible. The son of a friend of mine stopped at a local Wawa for gas. He asked for $10.00 in gas and even showed the attendant the ten dollar bill. The attendant did not want it at that point; I believe they have to wait until after gas is pumped. My friend's son then proceeded to walk into the store for something and left the vehicle while the gas was pumping. Herein lies the problem. When he returned there was over $40.00 of gas that had been pumped into the vehicle. The attendant then asked for the $40.00 plus dollars. My friend's son explained that he asked for $10.00 since that was all the cash he had for gas. This quickly escalated into an argument and the police were even called. Her son was told to go home and get the money and return within a certain time frame or charges would be pressed. Being severely irritated with how the whole thing was handled my friend called Wawa corporate. Wawa corporate customer service was very apologetic to her and went so far to say that the Wawa assistant manager violated policy by getting involved. Gas related issues are supposed to be directed to the store's general manager. As of this afternoon Wawa corporate was sending out a gift card for the $30.00+ diference in what was asked for and what her son as forced to pay. They also said that the local store would probably also contact them with some kind of peace offering. Being a huge fan of Wawa I am very happy that corporate really stepped up to the plate to apologize to her and try to rectify the situation.

Anyway, this has happened to me before at another gas station. Unfortunately it is looking like an unwise decision to leave your vehicle while gas is being pumped into it. Theft by deception or just a mistake could cost you more than you planned on.

Spam: Poetry Edition, subject-don't you own parter

2008-03-11T17:55:00.000-07:00

"High may sound use an for some him whole.
Look may picture you air.
Them also give set.
Many set go animals house with see.
Most had second also.
First boys people large.
Many best help often feet in.
Enough white if ways often ways year day after has.
Few night change way days have people live all.
Change while ways last not times place feet today.
Looked show large soon so until kind been.
Went change can those part.
Food different be he little enough take again been like."
-Africa Rbruda

I think Spitzer may have said change while ways last.

2008-03-07T19:01:00.001-08:00

Bulk Mail Bonanza: New job! startling edition

2008-02-15T17:03:00.000-08:00

Napolean and Lil Napolean or Napolean's Napolean

Oh jeez. This one just landed in spam land.
This is from Cavrak Rach and the subject is New job! startling

"Hey,New job offerhttp://bertaweingartneroc.blogspot.com/
Of his love, to come and visit the empress. And death andthe treachery of tyler had turned the of my experiment myneck was literally not worth liguria and sicily. The customhad therefore become is there any reason why i should passyes, said poy tell her ta why tat he wouldn't pe hafingmouths of the rivers he proceeded. And as he journeyed napoleonsnapoleon, he is always popular, ten camp. Long previously,however, pottery of a great that they might be here. Andrewhad better see with the splashed blood and the rare wound.ah, young and old (especially the heads of families)' methat over again, for a moment knighton was case has beenpresent to me, longmore answered, souls. As a teacher ofgreek i gave the intellectual."

The death of treachery tyler hurt me too. And Napolean's Napolean is a sight to behold.

Bulk Mail Bonanza: alkmaar edition

2008-02-15T16:37:00.000-08:00

This is my secure Bruce.

Now for more exciting spam courtesy of Heras Gannon and the subject is alkmaar.

"Hi,Are you a frequentt visitor of rettail sofftware stores?We know what you're ooverpaying for:- box mannufacturing- CD- salessperson salary- Rentt of shop spaace- Year-to-yyear inncreasing taxes in your couuntryWell, what for ?! You're able to dowwnload everrything legally NOW! FFabulous range of sofftware and LOW prices will make you smile and save your money! Welcome to http://evangelinecarabelloek.blogspot.com/

By which she always mastered her audience. She art thingsas some other folks, if he had the the glass paperweight,and the steel engraving garage, got out her car, and droveoff in it about the groundthat could be nobody but the crowdin straightened his back, and was putting out his prizeover heinrich kellerman, and for a number my heels he wouldfind a stout oaken door, securely bruce. It is generallyknown that that great monarch, is my wife? I must tell herthat all is well. That you intended it for a flag,' saidelizabeth my addrcss isharley street aar a coi^51^^ sittlnslashed his wounds, and he fell back into the mud with thepoysers that he would follow them to have their ways ofdropping occasionally, or being."

God that's beautiful *sniff* Pardon me, I need to go securely bruce my oaken door.

Bulk Mail Bonanza: cholinergic edition

2008-02-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

I like to think this is Sharrat Brown.

More mind-warping fun brought to us courtesy of Sharrat Brown regarding the subject cholinergic. Enjoy...

"Ni hao, Are you a ffrequent visitor of retaail softtware stores?We know what you're overpayinng for:- box mannufacturing- CD- ssalesperson salary- Reent of shop spaace- Year-to-yeear increaasing taxes in your counttryWell, what for ?! You're able to doownload everythiing legally NOW!FFabulous range of softtware and LOW prices will make you smile and save your money! Welcome to http://ilenematulage.blogspot.com/

Was the answer which miss gertrude white sent it is thesemen that become unmindful of the homa, as the trunk of anelephant, cut off (by partha), went back into the paradou,without even turning shot by me is capable of slaying allcreatures. With you. He turned to graham and jenkins. Alone,dei, xix. Cc. 13.see madvig, de fin. Ed. 2, p.also bearwith me if i say that i have a little more arms, that asceticof rigid vow stood in his hermitage, and his cortege crossedthe canal by the bridge that is all armed. Whereby he thatconsidereth much less a parcel of beerswilling germs. Thecould not be prevailed upon to budge, and knowing doubtlessthose of cornelius and his sister. The and with that cooljet of water partha gratified."

That cooljet of brain water gratified my partha as well. Thank you, Sharrat

Antique Secretary and Desks

2008-02-04T16:52:00.000-08:00

It is such a joy for me to collect antiques. As any lover of antiques will tell you, the story behind each piece, as well as how you came to have it, is a huge portion of the pleasure. Sometimes realizing that each piece has a lifetime, if not lifetimes, of memories attached is so emotional.

The first picture is the inside of my paternal grandmother's mahogany escritoire, in this case a ladies writing desk. The second photo shows the whole desk and you can clearly see its beautifully turned legs. She gave this to me recently since unfortunately she can no longer live on her own. This used to sit in her living room holding her phone and other correspondence odds and ends. I am very fortunate to still have her in my life at 90 years old.

The third photo is my walnut typewriter desk. I was searching the classifieds, Ebay and Craigslist for a desk for my schoolwork. I came across an ad in Craigslist DE for somebody selling a desk for 10$. I figured it was a mistake. I called the number and he said he still had the desk and gave a brief description and verified the 10$ price. I could not believe it. Well that weekend I rushed over to DE with my mother to pick it up and lo and behold it was beautiful. We paid the 10$, snatched up the desk as fast as we could and beat it out of there. My mother kept whispering this can't be right. He must be selling off someone else's stuff out of spite. Like I said we flew out of here before he changed his mind. I took one drawer of the desk to a local antique dealer who told me between our explanation of what it looked like and the wood on the drawer, he said it was worth at least $500. The desk also has a 3 part leather top with gold detailing. It's hard to see with the desk pad, but I keep it protected. Good story right? I've had 3 people try to buy it from me, lol. Oh, another fun fact, the ladderback chair in front of it was $5 at a yard sale, hee hee. I'm so cheap!

OK, the last 3 pics are of my newest acquire, a mahogany china cabinet/secretary. My husband and I play spar over whether it's a secretary or a china hutch. For my purposes it's a secretary/bookcase. Again I was scanning the classifeds etc. for a bookcase or secretary. They are ever so expensive! Then I found this on Ebay. It was listed as a mahogany or walnut china closet/secretary for a buy it now of a $100 and it was in north Jersey! I jumped up, told my husband to look, and he knew it was over. I was buying a secretary! I emailed my information to the seller and asked where they were. A very nice lady named Barbara emailed me back and said to call her later in the week since I wanted to pick it up on the weekend. Well, we both had a bit of bad news during the week so we were not sure what would happen. I called her Thursday and she said she was going to be in PA on Saturay and would bring it with her so we could meet in PA! Oh, my, what luck! This saved us a drive to alost New York. She then said she would call when she was done with her auction in PA so we could arrange a meeting. Saturday afternoon when she called she said she was driving towards us and needed to get on the NJ turnpike to go home anyway and would come over to NJ. I could barely contain myself now! She ended up meeting us at the entrance to the turnpike which is only 6 miles from our house. We were ever so grateful, so we gave her some money for all of her above and beyond help. She told us it was her mother in law's and unfortunately she did not have room for that one and the 2 others she already had. I told her that I planned on using it for books and she said I would love it. Little did she know I already did. It was quite dusty from storage and its finish has a few issues, but after 2 cans of Liquid Gold it shines with love again. It looks little like its auction pictures. I will do a little more work to it in due time to help preserve it, but I like the well worn look. You know somebody loved it enough to use it and used it a long time.

Bulk Mail Bonanza: cuticular edition

2008-01-28T09:25:00.000-08:00

Check out this piece of awesomeness that was in my bulk mail. I usually just delete them all, but I recently started to read them for the nuggets of humorous wisdom they bring me. Enjoy!
Also, if you can do better than this one, please comment and share your bulk mail spam nugget with me. Love it!

This is an email from Palilla Nolan
Subject: cuticular
Aloha,
Doownloadable Softwware
By the president to recruit an army of state troops, mansions,delightful chambers, variegated gardens, lay, but in a momentshe found out: the eyes of of bhrigu, and exterminate thekshatriyas who exerting himself with vigour in battle, resistedlady, said hamish, with the same proud fierceness, in thevicinity, they (our enemies) will not believe of all wieldersof weapons riding on his car, when he drew the string, andwhen he let them the desired effect of compelling the government

Things That Don't Exist, But I Want: GrandPop Soda

2008-01-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

The current beverage craze is all about energizing yourself. This is not for me. I want to relax; I do not need anything that will give me enough energy to actually go through with my mid-afternoon fantasy of shrink wrapping my boss to her chair. (Seriously, what a menace.)What is so wrong with desiring a soda that is not diet, is not called zero and is not oddly gin-like in appearance? No soda worth its weight in industrial waste water should contain ginseng, gotu kola or B-12. B-12? That's a vitamin. How did that sneak in? This is a direct violation of CFJR (Code of Federal Junk Regulations) Title 5,218 section 691.1379: Any healthful additives introduced into consumer junk food shall be deemed adulterated and subject to comfiscation by the JJA (Junk and Junk Administration) and the company may be fined.
Personally I am glad I discovered GrandPop in the supermarket. GrandPop is everything a soda pop should be. It's a carbonated palate scrubbing jubilation that's comprised of sugar, reclaimed nuclear reactor water, FD&C Brown Lake 45 and alcohol. Mm, mm, good.
Nothing makes me want ot sit on the front porch and rock away while shouting at neighborhood kids as much as GrandPop.

*Photo courtesy of www.ms.k12.il.us

The Less Than Noble Actions of Some Women

2008-01-22T11:27:00.000-08:00

Much to the dismay of all of us supporting Tionna, the problem currently facing her has taken a turn for the worse. A friend and confidant, by all appearances, has violated her trust. There was a message left by Julia Allison on Michael Hirschorn’s FaceBook profile that in essence congratulated him on the creation of his new company called Ish Entertainment, the same company that is so close in name to Tionna’s Talk Dat Ish Entertainment. Now, I will leave the Hirschorn story coverage to SLC Outsider since Tionna is in close talks with Adam Streeter of SLCO. I want to focus on what certainly looks like Julia Allison hanging on to Hirschorn’s, and/or Tionna’s, star. The problem with Julia’s message to Michael is the fact that Julia not only knew of Tionna’s Talk Dat Ish Entertainment, but Tionna indicates that Julia was part of the pitch. With this singular post (actual FaceBook post is up on SLCO) Julia appears to hitch her wagon to Tionna’s rising star one minute only to jump ship when Hirschorn wants to take the name and run. Again, I am not going to question the motives of Hirschorn, but there is clear woman on woman underhandedness. There is also a woman using a man for whatever he has to offer and possibly offering up her “assets” to his new company as well. I quote assets for good reason; one need only search the Web for pictures of Julia. (Let me state again, for the record this is my opinion.) Some of her pictures make me feel personally acquainted with her JA T&A. Feeling that way, and writing that, is upsetting. She is a Star Editor at large, yet resorts to displaying herself like that for attention. Does she feel so empty inside that she needs the incessant flattery on her looks? Or is she so vain that we all are supposed to love her as much as she loves herself? Does she think so lowly of Tionna to use her as a stepping stone? I can’t answer any of that, but there is a lot to be said for keeping up appearances and closely guarding your reputation in person and online. However, I do know that women as a whole will continue to have problems with the figurative glass ceiling with so many objectify themselves. Oh well, it’s just that much more of a challenge for the rest of us, male and female alike, to interact with each other in a politically correct fashion while all buttoned up in a corporate setting.
A final thought in parting, a morally bankrupt executive is not a new concept in this world and is readily accepted without much pause, but a friend backstabbing or undermining you is a still a bitter pill. Tionna you have my full support, meager as it may be, in this fight for your good name and your company’s name.

*image courtesy of Flickr

Perp Walkin' at the Supermarket

2008-01-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

Perp Walkin’ at the Supermarket

Let’s start with me stating that I hate grocery shopping. Hate, hate, hate. I hate it only slightly less than clothing shopping. And I hate clothing shopping only slightly less than I imagine what bamboo rammed under my fingernails would feel like. Hey, I’ve gotten splinters under my nails before, so I’m multiplying that feeling by a few thousand. Whatever, back to torture of the green grocer variety. Actually it’s not torturous if you perp watch, yes, perp watch. There are crimes against nature, fashion and food all under one roof. Sundays during football season are truly spectacular! I’m going to break down a few humanoid varieties that I usually see.

The Harried Mom:
Clothes: acid washed, pleated, yanked up to the sternum, mom jeans, the Z Cavariccis of the over the hill fashion backward mom; a pet hair encrusted, baby food stained tee shirt or sweat shirt depending on the weather; dirty, outdated sneakers
Hair: almost always a poorly styled 80’s layered jobbie, a bit of a Joe Dirt serious in front, party in back look, sometimes with a pony tail with frizz sticking out
Body Type: flabby arms, saggy tits, mom belly, disproportionately wide ass, thunder thighs, cankles
Personality: hasn’t had one since before children, a blank vacant stare will greet you
Accessories: a pocket book that matches nothing on this planet, possibly a diaper bag, screaming toddler
Crime Committed Against: nature for reproducing, fashion
(before you all go schizo thinking I’m picking on people, I’m a Harried Mom and I totally own that shit too, ha!)

The Rather be Watching Football Man:
Clothes: raggedy sports jersey, quite possibly one he wore in high school; jeans that have seen better days; really ugly, old sneakers
Hair: if there is any, it needs to be cut
Body Type: residual muscular biceps, man boobs, beer belly, chicken legs
Personality: dazed and confused, they will ask a Harried Mom and all store clerks a lot of food questions
Accessories: mini me teenage boy
Crime Committed Against: fashion

Mid-life Crisis First Wife Replacement Barbie
Clothes: Italian brand names you can’t afford
Hair: platinum blonde
Body Type: silicone, silicone, silicone
Personality: effervescent vapidity
Accessories: pissed off step kids that are nearly her age, she’s a year away from graduation-yay!
Crime Committed Against: fashion, the first wife and kids

Melon Thumping Charmin Squeezer (male or female)
Clothes: thrift store, hand me downs
Hair: sorely outdated
Body Type: skinny-fat, hunched over
Personality: completely non-vocal, some grunting and grinning during squeezing, darting eyes
Accessories: straw tote bag for shopping
Crimes Committed Against: fashion, fruit

The Little Old Lady
Clothes: woolen
Hair: blue, permed
Body Type: little, teeny, tiny thing
Personality: pleasant to your face, badger like if you get too close to what they want
Accessories: umbrella
Crime Committed Against: you, don’t try to help them or you’ll get thwacked with an umbrella and possibly mowed over by a large 1970’s Cadillac

The Pack Hunters (males and females)
Clothes: expensive, urban, tags may still be on
Hair: long, shiny and gelled
Body Type: in gym body shape
Personality: too cool for you; scare the hell out of you in a dark alley
Accessories: big gold jewelry
Crimes Committed Against: their records have been sealed

*photo courtesy of Flickr

Ishgate

2008-01-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

For the latest and greatest on Tionna's battle with Michael Hirschorn, lovingly dubbed Ishgate by KoraInHell, please jump over to SLC Outsider.

*update: KoraInHell told me she heard Ishgate from Tionna. Tionna gives us all the good words, huh?

ScienTomogy

2008-01-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

With all the juicy coverage of the completely bizarro Tom Cruise Scientology indoctrination video there's just not too much left to say, but there is still plenty to draw!

Toon Ups

2008-01-18T09:41:00.001-08:00

Adam from SLC Outsider cares for the environment. Won't all the Sundance Film Festival celebrities look silly putzing around in gas guzzling Hummers when he rides naked and proud through the middle of town on his shining steed, "Ain't Chasin' No Hare!"
Adam was last seen shouting, "I got your hummer for ya!" at stunned festival crowds.

Workin' at the Catwash

2008-01-17T16:53:00.001-08:00

Please enjoy my cats' misery while I work at other things.

Catholicise

2008-01-16T17:54:00.001-08:00

Catholicise

Feeling fat? In need of saving? Have I got the program for you, Catholocise. This is the fitness regimen of God. That’s right, God, not Xenu, God. I mean, really, is anybody in better shape than God? No, he’s still alive and kicking. Rumor is he’s tanning it up in some unknown South Pacific Isle sipping on Bahama Mamas. Enough of our savior, back to the exercise. This is one hard core routine from running the pew obstacle course to kneeling and standing in rapid succession. Your class will start with the very regimented pew obstacle and people navigation, cause everybody wants the prime end pew seat, thus the hurdling-over the pew and through the olds, blah, blah, blah. After the obstacles comes the aerobic exercise of deep breathing in prayer followed up by some rousing singing. Gah, oops, Dear God, tired yet? Feel the burn. No, no quenching of the thirst with the blood of Christ you sinners! Work it sinners! Sweat out Satan! Step it up a bit, onto the kneeling and standing. Up, down, up, down, feel the aching back and stand. Raise your hands to heaven.and…breathe. Good. Time for the circuit where you will be lured by food and drink known as the body and blood of Christ. Yes, donkey run for that carrot! There are a few hundred of you in church today and there are only a dozen Christ Crackers and enough Blood of Christ vintage 1 AD for a lucky few. So run lambs of God, run! He only helps those non-fatties that help themselves. Now race back to the prime pew seats, hurdle some olds and reach for your wallet. God’s Bank of Little Lambs is looking a little poor, cash or check it’s all good. Donate it’s good for your soul. All that money carries diseases anyway. We’re here to save you. That’s what we’re gonna do too. We need you to be able to defend yourself against the likes of false idols like Xenu on top of Mt. Spaghetti. Kneel again, sing your praises to God! Sing lambs! Sin for your soul and scare away those demons. As we end our session, let’s say our holiest of prayers.

Our father, who art not fat, hallowed be thy cheeks.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done, on Earth fat as it is in heaven.
Give us not this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our cellulite,
As we forgive those who body mass is lower than ours.
And lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from Cheetos.
Amen

Jezebel

2008-01-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

In a very humble and gracious move, Jezebel has posted a link to our SLC Outsider site. Thank you Moe if you are reading this. May we link together in the future for more fun.
Cheers,
BalknChain

Jezebel

2008-01-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

Well, good times. I did not want to come home from burying a relative to see my buddy Adam's idea so brazenly ripped off. Apparently Jezebel found our SLC Outsider contributions funny. My, and my friends ratings, were up prior to their post and they were funny. Jezebel's unfortunately are not. There is a great shame in that as I would have been most flattered and found it funny if they followed the same format and posted hysterical "Do want/Do not want" descriptions . Too bad Jezebels, another moment where you were too earnest. Gawker seems to have its snide groove back on, maybe you should visit the site of your founding fathers more often. Especially since Nick Denton has my undying gratitude for the Tom Cruise Scientology video.

Bobby Blobby and the tale of 3 Fish

2008-01-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

Today has been another sad day in my household. My uncle passed away, specifically my father-in-law's brother. We heard the news yesterday, but the obituary was in the paper today. It's so final when you see it in the paper with other people's loved ones. We are not alone in our grief. There has been a cloud of sadness surrounding the town where I live. One of the most tragic was a 13 year old girl killed while crossing a local highway. The story is she was talking to her friend while crossing the road and dropped her cell phone. Following natural instinct, she bent down to pick it up; the driver of a pick-up did not see her in time. Her friend on the phone heard the horror of it all. To make it even worse, if possible, it turns out that they were neighbors on the same street. Colleagues of mine who know both families say the man, the driver, has not gone home since the accident. Tragic. My neighbor's daughter knew the girl well and has been rather depressed since the accident. A friend of hers noted how she was not her usual self and decided to cheer he up by giving her fish, three little gold fish. My neighbor's daughter now checks on these three little fish every morning before school. Three new lives she is guarding like a mother hen in the face of the loss of her friend. I think this is how we pay our way; how we pay it forward in the circle of life. Many have said that we pay off our debt to our parents off when we raise our own children. I believe this. Bobby Blobby showed me this today. In all of my sadness, the tale of Bobby Blobby made me laugh, a lot. My 11 year old, one of the young men currently helping pay off my debt to my parents, gave me the book he wrote in school today, Bobby Blobby. So, as part of my daily counting of the blessings, I can add Bobby Blobby and three little fish.

*Scroll bottom up to read Bobby Blobby in order. He tells me his next Seussian styling is Bobby Blobby gets a hobby.

Party on f*ckers!

2008-01-11T08:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not home right now 'cause my lazy ass will be getting drunk at Chez Hez, but please leave a message *beep*

http://www.civixen.com/

Gawkenstein!

2008-01-10T20:38:00.000-08:00

Tata, Tata

2008-01-10T06:39:00.001-08:00

An Indian car company by the name of Tata Motors has just introduced a car, the Tata Nano. It runs on a monstrous 2 cylinder (let's call them gerbils for my amusement) engine boasting an American MPG capacity of 54 and a top speed of 60. A quick tour inside the car will find a fuel gauge, speedometer and not much more. There's no air conditioning, no radio, no finer amenities of any sort including a passenger side rearview mirror-they're only for wusses concerned with traffic behind them anyhow, pffft. Upgrading to a model with air conditioning will no doubt require the super powers of 4 gerbils. Unfortunately the Tata has some greenies in an uproar as this gas guzzling mega-beast, being produced at a cost of around $2500 American dollars, will be attainable by the masses! The Nano, coming in at approximately 10 feet long, is going to clog the city, thousands per block! Wait..what? At a meager 10 feet in length and no air bags, I think I would feel safer in a wet cardboard box on wheels. So, nope, not for me.
Huh, after studying its oh so sexy profile for a few minutes, and rethinking the name, the Tata would make a fine set of tatas strapped onto Godzilla. Go ahead, turn your head to the side, study the pic and imagine. It's totally in your head now isn't it?
Maybe I'll take two...

Well, look who decided to return...Teh Jewgr

2008-01-09T18:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah..look who finally decided to return after his long "whoa look how long our 1 day supply of oil lasted, like 8 days, cool bra.." stupid holiday. Yes folks my bounty hunters finally found, bound and snared my pet, Jewgr. Without any further acknowledgement what-so-ever.....

"Well here we go again. I just recently moved to a small town somewhere below the Mason Dickson line. I made the mistake of letting on to a neighbor that I was Jewish and after a rather uncomfortable pause he looked dead in the eye and said “you people killed my lord”. Now, I could have come up with the standard answer, no it was the Romans but if you think about it he was right, we did kill Jesus. Let’s face it, he was a trouble maker. Healing people on the Sabbath, throwing the money lenders out of the Temple . Rendering unto Caesar. But wait, wasn’t his death preordained? Wasn’t this God’s plan all along? We were just following orders. Instead of being persecuted all these years we should be congratulated, a pat on our collective backs would be nice. But some how I don’t see that happening. Maybe I should just hide my horns under my hat, put my tail between my legs and move out of this town. "-Jewgr

Maybe you shouldn't have tried escaping! Serves you right you lazy, good for no..oh sorry, private meeting folks.

No menorah lights for YOU!!hahahahaha!

Modeling

2008-01-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

OMG! There is a new Bravo show coming out. How to be a supermodel with Tyson Beckford and Niki Taylor. I soo have everything they are looking for! They are looking for short people with frizzy hair, right? On a serious note, am I the only one fed up with the "reality" of reality television? How much more do we need to see? There are now interventions, dance offs, singing idols, makeovers for home and people, pet stars and famous people doing a whole lot of nuttin'. What else is left? Cartoons have actually become more of an intellectual outlet. It's true. Not the new cartoons out, but Tom and Jerry and Wile E. Coyote. You know why? They kept quiet! Private lives stayed that way. We don't know if Wile E. had a drinking problem or illigitimate children. There was never a news flash about Tom wearing someone else's coke pants. Jerry didn't look 5 years old one day and mysteriously 2 years old the next. I don't know of Elmer Fudd going to jail for beating up Hiawatha, or if she was adopted or not. Bugs Bunny's mom was not seen out at bars drinking with him and his friends. Speedy Gonzales didn't attack the papparazzi with an umbrella. There was a Tom and Jerry episode, the (ze) cat that (zat) could play and the (ze) mouse that (zat) could dance, but it wasn't a competition and they weren't dancing with Foghorn Leghorn and PePe LePew. So go home stars and wannabes; we don't want to hear that your dog pooped on a dress. Keep it at home!

He died, a little inside, for our commenting sins

2008-01-07T17:58:00.000-08:00

GM shoves head further up own ass

2008-01-07T11:13:00.000-08:00

Great googly moogly. I do not know what else to say. A headline in Yahoo odd news states GM Envisions Driverless Cars. Say huh, what? I thought the launch of the Nova in Spanish speaking countries was a good one. No va literally means it doesn't go, sweet! Go marketing team. Now this. With my recent Chevy experience this seems to be their goal anyway. With not one, but two chevy truck transmission breakdowns. It all makes sense now. My trucks got wind of the driverless GM vision. They MUST have looked at each other and thought "Driverless, YES!" Mine, however took it a step further with DRIVELESS! I always knew my trucks were smart, little did I know. They're smarter! What else could GM's vision be of use to? Hmm...how about rudderless ships? Beerless beer? Coffeeless coffee? You know what? Fuck it! I vote for peopleless people. We are such a messy bunch that doeas nothing, but come up with STUPID ideas! Let's just cut to the chase. Some peopleless people I'd like to read about: Britneyless Britney, Parisless Paris, Lindsayless Lindsay. Ha! I could go on for days, but how about my commenter friends send in a few?

Gawkerus on Mt Olympus reimagined!

2008-01-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Today on Mt. Olympus

High atop Mt. Olympus ZeuSLC, God of commenters, bellowed to Hezrodite, goddess of love and beauty, demanding his Gawkerus update. Hezrodite, never late with the updates, was horrified at the news she would have to bring to ZeuSLC. Dentonius was acting up again. All remember well the hellfire that rained from the mountain top the last time Dentonius got greedy with power. Will the Titans never learn?
Hezrodite meekly approached ZeuSLC and began. Dentonius had fired Tionnias, Emilias had quit and so had Choires. Dentonius was now posting. The only good news seemed to be the ascension of Lolcaitos from commenter to writer. ZeuSLC thundered from the hall for all gods and goddesses to come immediately. Dentonius needed to be dealt with swiftly.
Kewgathena, goddess of wisdom, war and crafts, arrived first with her consort Notares, god of war. They both wore worried expressions as they were never pulled from their struggle with the Iraq war. Next to arrive was Moffonysos, god of wine, mysteries and theater, who was having a real time of things with the writers strike in Hollywood. “Who would bother me now?” he thought. Hippermes (messenger of ZeuSLC), Spiritartemis (goddess of the hunt), Leedemeter (goddess of agriculture), DCDoseidon (god of sea and earthquakes), Cesaraistos (god of smiths and metal-workers), Obviousera (goddess of marriage)and Binkapollo (god of the arts) all arrived within a few minutes of the call. Those unable to make it would have to read the meeting’s minutes.
ZeuSLC called the meeting to order and Hezrodite started to speak…

Hezrodite: Fellow Olympians, we have a problem on our hands. Dentonius is changing Gawkerus’ platform. He is trying to become a legitimate news outlet.
[boos, hissing, murmurs,laughter]
ZeuSLC: ORDER!! Now is not the time for pandemonium. We need a plan of action of how to deal with this. Where will we get our snark now? What do we do with Dentonius? These are the issues that need addressing.
Notares: We could declare war on Gawkerus!
Kewgathena: Notares, normally I would agree with you, my beloved, but how can we declare war on just one Titan?
Binkapollo: I agree with Kewgathena, war will not work in such a case.
Moffynosos: I really need more wine to deal with this. I already have my hands full trying to deal with the return of the New York stagehands. Such a whiny lot.
Spiritartemis: I say we hunt him down!
Obviousera: Oh, and then what Spiritartemis? Eat him? He would be a mere few seconds of sport.
Leedemeter: I’d say catch him and plant his seeds, but that sounds all wrong.
DCDoseidon: We could always drown him.
ZeuSLC: DCDoseidon, that sounds good and all, but we are not finding a resolution for Gawkerus.
Cesaraistos: Leave Gawkerus to the Titans; it is rightfully theirs.
[whispers among the crowd]
Cesaraistos: Yes, I said it, leave Gawkerus to the Titans. Why not start our own? Are we not smart enough?
ZeuSLC: Cesaraistos, I believe you are on to something.
Kewgathena: Cesaraistos, I could kiss you! You are right. Why not start our own?
Notares: Could we do this? What would we write about?
Kewgathena: I could write about weapons and crafts. Why, I’ve even been known to draw here and there.
Hezrodite: I could write about love, and of course, revenge. Wait until you all see what I’m going to do to that JP fool!
Obviousera: Can’t we at least have some fun at Dentonius’ expense? Like marry him off to Alexsey Vaynor?
Binkapollo: We could boycott Gawkerus for a time to see what happens?
Notares: Always the peacekeeper, aren’t you Binkapollo?
Binkapollo: Remember the last time you said such a thing? Or do you need another arrow in your gluteus maximus?
Kewgathena: Boys, enough already. I believe a boycott is a logical solution for the time being. We could always throw darts at his picture instead.
Hippermes: ZeuSLC, is there a message to be delivered to Dentonius?
ZeuSLC: No, Hippermes, there is no message for Dentonius, but please contact our lawyer, Karena. She can help us with our next move.

Cast
ZeuSLC: Adam/SLC
Hezrodite: Hez
Kewgathena: Kewgr
Notares: NotAndersonCooper
Tionnias: Tionna
Lolcaitos: Richard LOLCait Lawson
Binkapollo: Binky’s Dream
Moffynosos: Moff
Spiritartemis: Spirit Fingers
Obviousera: The Obvious Child
Hippermes: Mr Hippity
Cesaraistos: Cesare
Karena: Karen Uh Oh
Leedemeter:Lee
DCDoseidon: DCD

The rest are self explanatory and I am leaving room to introduce more
characters before anyone’s feelings get hurt.

[I still have a fever if you are wondering.]

Chevy, Chevy, Chevy...sigh

2008-01-06T18:03:00.000-08:00

Hello all. Below is the missive I sent in to Chevy's website.

I am most concerned that my transmission needed a $1087.59 repair for a valve assembly right before Christmas which was not warranty covered due to mileage.This is n addition to our Chevy Silverado needing similar valve assembly work, which was covered, at 29,578 miles. We are committed Chevrolet owners/consumers, but we are very disappointed at this problem in our 2 new 2003 vehicles. Our previous 1985 IROC-Z Camaro and 1995 Monte Carlo are still running without trouble. The Monte is on all original parts while the Camaro is on a rebuilt transmission. The transmission did not need work until almost 120,000 miles and was still running with over 175,000 when I sold it. The Monte Carlo is still running with over 130,000 miles with its new owner. Now here we are with our upgraded vehicles which needed near overhauls well before 100,000 miles on the Trailblazer and not even 50,000 on the Silverado. Oh, and to top it off I smell antifreeze coming through the vents when I start the heater on the Trailblazer, which means the heater core is going. I know since I had one go on an old 1992 Blazer. In short we are NOT happy when we used to be very happy Chevy owners. I'd like to hear good news from GM or we may have to make our next vehicle a non-GM. Please help. We love our trucks, but no longer trust them which is sad.We would have written sooner, but this happened right before Christmas which, being middle class, was devastating for us.
John and Gina Spencer

The little outlet that could

2008-01-06T16:07:00.001-08:00

Like I mentioned to some of mycommenter friends; we narrowly avoided a major house fire. The Thursday after Christmas I was up late making lasagna, no big deal right? Wrong! I have an old mixer, like so many other old things in my house, and it got very hot. When my husband came home, shortly after I put the lasagnas in the oven, I told him about the mixer. I told him the plug was so hot when I pulled it out of the wall that it burnt my hand and I was going to throw it away. He asked if I was certain it was the mixer. Uh, oh.. I plugged the mixer into another outlet and it ran without even getting warm. So he pulled the kitchen table away from the wall and the wall was actually glowing. THE OUTLET WAS ON FIRE!! He ran downstairs and cut the power to that outlet, which also cut power to a few other lights-joy. The next step was getting the volt meter to make sure the power was dead. When certain the power was cut, he removed the outlet from wall and the blue box was melted and the wires were smoldering. At least there was no actual fire. So we waited from there to make sure the wall was cooling down or the fire department would have to be called. We were up until 3 AM. So, yes, this was the little outlet that could have burned down our house via a wall fire then spreading. Fire would have raced up our steps like an Olympian. All because of one loose wire. One loose wire caused all the arcing that burt the wire. Narrow, my friends, narrow.

Some interior photos of my house

2008-01-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

Hello all. Some people expressed interest in seeing some of my antiques, so here are some photos.

Photo 1: exterior of my home

Photo 2: office pic showing my antique secretary desk and my tricycle horse

Photo 3: aother pic in office with Tiffany style lamp

Photo 4: close up of one of my Chippendale style mahogany chairs, there are eight total

Photo 5: staircase to second floor, you can see where we have been stripping, someone painted the entire staircase-ugh, the steps are oak and all trim ,banister, newel post are pine; can also see 2 of my swords and my High Elven shield and Peeping Tom my suit of armor

Photo 6: another pic of dining room showing the antque pine door with leaded glass

Photo 7: another pic in dining room showing my mahogany buffet and my Herugrim sword of King Theoden

Photo 8: another pic in dining room showing my mahogany breakfront, it is a massive 7 plus feet tall and about as wide, also seen is Anduril the sword of Aragorn, and a second age Gondorian shield and banner

Feel free to call me a geek over the swords; I'm used to it. That's all for now as I am still cleaning up the Christmas clutter and trying to recover from the cold from hell.

To Gawk, or not to Gawk? That is the question.

2008-01-05T15:00:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? I am just as overwhelmed with the recent Gawker changes as many of my fellow commenters. There is one major hitch with this; none of us are Denton. Gawker Media is Denton's big boy toy to do with as he sees fit whether the commenters like it or not. I am not going to go around bad-mouthing (bad-writing) Gawker because it brought many good things to my attention. The best of these "things" are the commenters. I have never really belonged to a group or a club and it was heaven sent to be granted commenting priviliges by Balk's Cock himself. A God among cocks if there ever was one. Yes, I just said that-hah! But I digress, back to Gawker and its evolution. One of the sadder losses, aside the editors which are becoming to numerous to name, is Tionna Smalls. Now I am typically not vicious while commenting, but this did draw out some of my ire. The removal of Tionna was insidiously timed with the addition of Julia Allison live blogging..? Who is Julia Allison you ask? I really don't know other than the appearance of her breasts, repeatedly, on Gawker and she dated Jakob Lodwick from College Humor. Honestly, neither of these accomplishments move me. Julia was introduced to the commenters through our lovely LOLcait AKA Richard Lawson, who was recently promoted. (Good for LOLcait) This itself caused some confusion. The commenters as a whole love LOLcait, but are less than impressed with JA. So to support Richard, we ended up supporting JA. Well played, Denton. Well, like I mentioned previously I do not know anything about JA so I did ask her a real question; I did not skewer her. After all, the Gawker changes were not brought on by her. Well, the cold meds are wearing me down again so I will be watching from the wings and probably not actively participating in Gawker, at least not for a while. One final question before parting, Denton if you happen to read this, 2 girls 1 cup with videos..why?

Merry Kitmas!

2007-12-26T20:01:00.001-08:00

Hello all. Like many of you, it's been a very busy holiday season for the Kewgr. Please enjoy pics of my kitties modeling the latest in preppy and princess attire. Our black cat, Roman, is proudly sporting his bright green and black turtleneck sweater while Precious is wearing her pink quilted cape. On a side note please adopt a pet instead of "puppy mill" purchases. Roman was adopted from a shelter and Precious was a stray that no owner claimed after many fliers were posted and neighbors were questioned. When you finally do welcome a pet into your home, be responsible and spay or neuter them.

Happy Holidays to all, 2 legged and 4 legged alike!

2007-12-19T16:11:00.000-08:00

Hello there fine folks. I managed to drain enough of the Jewgr's blood using my special crystal to get another post out of him. Apparently writing for his Shiksa boss is a small step above death. A very, very small one. So here it is another angry Jew bulletin.

"I am proud to admit to being politically incorrect. Perhaps even a bit misanthropic. Poking fun at our foibles is one way of keeping us grounded. There is even some kernel of truth to the stereotypes of race, religion, and ethnicity. Even our regional differences are open to ridicule, and rightly so.

Now having bored you with this pedantic tripe I would like to tell you about a friend of mine who felt the need of some religious inspiration. He decided to travel to the holy land, to walk the desert and reflect. While hiking, he thought he saw three figures approaching in the distance, a man walking next to a donkey and on the donkey was a woman holding a child. Needless to say he couldn’t believe his eyes. Approaching the man he inquired as to his name. Joseph was the reply, and that woman who is she? That is my wife Mary. At this point my friend had chills running up and down his spine. With great reverence he asked, the child that your wife is holding is his name Jesus. At which point the man said what we look like Puerto Ricans to you? Wishing you all a very merry X-Mass "-Jewgr

Well, well, well...isn't that special. Who should be more offended? Puerto Ricans, Catholics, Jews? How about none of you! It's a damn joke, let it go people. OK, it was a lousy joke, but a joke none the less. So in light, or lack there of, of this joke I am forced to remove a few bulbs from his menorah. So hah! Who's a Shiksa now?! Oh yeah me..whatever..

2007-12-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

Please enjoy a picture of Peter Rabbit while I study for my chemistry final. You should also be grateful I have no designs on being a chemist :)

Taming the Jew Presents: The Angry Jew, Explained

2007-12-13T18:49:00.000-08:00

Look, torture tactics work, people. It was great motivation for the Angry Jew. OK, that's getting cumbersome to say so let's shorten his moniker to Jewgr because I can and like it. I didn't waterboard Teh Jewgr or shove bamboo under his nails, he's lazy not a terrorist, but I did threaten him with Yani and a cat choir singing Jingle Bells, on repeat, until the work was done. What does he think I'm not paying him for? So here is Teh Jewgr's first work of art.

"Let’s face it, the Jews are an angry people. On the surface we might not seem that way, but take my word for it deep down we are pissed off. However, it’s not anybody’s fault, but our own. Right from the beginning we made some really bad choices. Look what happened in the garden. Adam was perfectly happy all by himself until Eve came along, and then all hell broke loose. But don’t get me started about Jewish women. Then it was Abraham’s turn. Sarah was a little too old to give him a son so she said “hey Abe check out the maid”. Bad move. The maid gets pregnant Sarah kicks her out and what happens? The Arabs. And what about circumcision. Abraham’s other great idea. Man I know that pissed me off. And now we come to Moses. This guy gets every body lost in the desert for 40 years never asks for directions (typical man) only to find a small Middle Eastern country with no oil. No wonder were so angry. "-Jewgr

Wow! Yes, you are an angry Jew aren't you? Go play some full contact photocopying to burn off some anger, then get back to work. Don't make me get the cats.

Well, for his freshman effort to please Teh Kewgr, I will light 5 of the lightbulbs in his electric Menorah.

Glow Kitties

2007-12-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

Oh my God, people! Now you can find your cat in the dark. Please go here and check it out..
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071212/sc_afp/healthscienceskoreacloning

Dream Sports AKA Sports I Play in My Head

2007-12-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

Tired of tennis, bored of baseball, fed up with football? Well do I have some utter nonsense, I mean fun, for you. Today's edition of Dream Sports is for me and my fellow cubi-plebes, full contact photocopying. Doncha just hate when YOU have an armload of copies to make and when you get there, lo and behold..a line. A line at the central copier much like free sample day at lunch time at the grocery store. How much would you love to elbow YOUR way to the front? Whose work could possibly be more important than YOURS? No one's, that's whose. Well suit up my friends it's time to play NKL's (National Kewgr League) full contact photocopying. Let's check out the point system:

7 points for the ultimate: actually printing more than one copy! (2 point loss if there's a paper jam or running out of paper-sorry!)

5 points for sacking the big hulking accountant line backer dude (he's such an ass, I mean, come on)

1 point for each minute YOU make someone wait for you (haha losers!)

3 point loss for brown nosing (printing for the boss or stopping your job for a manager to step in and print [you're still not getting promoted]-who's the loser now!)

*10 point bonus if you shove someone's tie in the paper feed rollers

Protective Gear Needed (safety first!):

Steel toe shoes
hairnet/beardnet
safety glasses
lab coat (try running in that, dork!)

Good luck and remember, no one is more important than YOU, especially at Christmas time!

Taste of Jamaica

2007-12-12T16:50:00.000-08:00

Howdy Doody all!
I wanted to share a bit of secret with you. I am currently enjoying a little spot of edible heaven. Here's what I use:

4 oz of goat cheese, unseasoned
1 TBP of sugar
1 TBP of Italian bread crumbs
Sesame melba toasts

Melt down the packet of goat cheese in a small skillet on stovetop, heat just shy of medium. Add in the bread crumbs and sugar, mix and adjust to suit your taste. It should be a bit sweet with an almost sour-creamish finish. Scoop into a bowl and dip into the warm cheese using the sesame melba toasts, or spread onto crackers/toasts of choice for a great little party appetizer. It's a lot less fattening than cow cheese! Yes, I did create this on my own. I've been trying to duplicate an appetizer we had in Jamaica. Now I just need to add Jamaican rum in there somewhere! Mmmmm....enjoy!

Other Jamaican recommendations:
Appleton Estate Rum
Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee (Gevalia has been the best supplier so far-trust me, it is excellent black)

Memories

2007-12-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

The holidays really get me emotional and I know I am not alone. One thing I rediscovered in a box of Christmas mementos was a picture of my great grandmother. It is a wonderful picture of her on a Merry-Go-Round's carousel horse; she must have been in her upper 70's at the time it was taken. She has been gone now for around 20 years and it still stings. In fact seeing the picture made me all weepy. Not just sad that she is gone, but just sooo many happy memories flooding back. She was the happiest person I knew. In fact Snuggle Bear made her tremendously happy. She couldn't quite wrap her head around what made him move and talk in the commercials. I even went out and bought her a stuffed one for a Christmas present one year. Turned out to be her last Christmas with us too; she was gone by Valentine's Day. Of all of the loving expressions I have ever heard, her's was the best. She used to tell me she "loved me a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck." I'd give anything to spend some more time with her and hear it one more time, but I can't ,yet. I'll meet her when my chores are through (Collin Raye song, "Love Me"). and until then I will love my children a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. Maybe some time this season some of you could try out that phrase on your loved ones-especially children, and enjoy the look on their faces as they think about it.

New Feature

2007-12-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

Hello all! I have some interesting news, to me anyway. A Jewish friend of mine (I'm Catholic) has agreed to contribute weekly, and more if he's feeling really froggy. With him he brings his rapier wit and razor tongue-sounds dangerous huh? Hah! I'd tell you one of his Jewish jokes as a premier, but it only sounds racist coming from me! LOL!
So I think a good name for his contributions will be The Taming of the Jew.

Celtic jewelry, beautiful and timeless...

2007-12-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

Hello again everyone! This is one of my favorite things. I receive regular news letters from this lovely store in Ireland!

[Merry Christmas from everyone at James Murtagh Jewellers, WestportWell, December 8th has passed and we're truly into the Christmas spirit at this stage. December 8th is the Catholic feast of the Assumption and the traditional start to Christmas. It was a day when everyone came to town, dress in their "Sunday Best", attended Mass and spent the rest of the day buying their Christmas gifts.As mentioned in our last newsletter, our regular customers know that we pride ourselves on 'the little things'! We ship all our jewellery in our personalised boxes which are gift-wrapped and placed in our store bag. We'll even write and include a gift card if you want! As we still get asked "do we gift-wrap?", I have taken a photo of the way we ship everything, gift-wrapped and packaged, just as through you visited our store personally. Every customer is just as special to us, whether you shop in store or on-line!****************************************We have also selected a number of Irish jewelry gifts which are available for immediate delivery. Click here for a look at our beautiful selection.]

courtesy of Celtic-Jewelry.com

Where's my Dammitol

2007-12-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

I have a very contoversial topic for you to chew on. The death penalty. New Jersey is on its way to being the first state to abolish it since 1976 and replace it with life in prison without parole. I ask my readers, "What is the point?" Why have not enough people come to the conclusion that the tax payers will now be forced to pay to support these freaks-for life! Let's just assume a dollar a day for a child molesting murderer if the criminal went in at 30 and died at the ripe old age of 75. This amounts to $16, 425! Believe me this number is far from sufficient. Am I a staunch supporter of the death penalty? I wouldn't say so, but it is clear that we should fix it and keep it. Frankly some people do deserve, and deserve mightily, to be put to death. Just ask Megan Kanka's parents:

[Among the death row inmates who would be spared is Jesse Timmendequas, a sex offender convicted of murdering 7-year-old Megan Kanka in 1994. That case sparked Megan's Law, which requires law enforcement agencies to notify the public about convicted sex offenders living in their communities.Megan's parents urged legislators today to retain the death penalty."She was 7-years-old," Richard Kanka said of his daughter. "She was abducted. She was raped. She was strangled. She was suffocated. She was raped post-mortem. Her body was dumped in a park. Now if that doesn't constitute gross and heinous, I don't know what you people are thinking." (courtesy of Courier Post online http://www.courierpostonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071210/NEWS01/71210034)]

In my opinion NJ's heart is bleeding too much for all the wrong people anymore. In light of this and other news my father has a terrific feeding plan for alligator farming.

Hmm, there is a God, or at least functional kharma

2007-12-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

Not so long ago and not so far away I worked for someone with an ego so large he required airport personnel to steer him through doorways. Yes it was that bad.
To condense, nearly everyone else in management lost their job as a direct result of his incompetence. He witheld informaton coming in from corporate from us. Two paths of direction, we had to follow his since he was there; corporate was far away. We, in our ignorance and even bliss at that point, believed the two directions were one. Not so. Corporate deadlines and multiple tasks were missed or unknown entirely. Thank you very much Mr. Ego.
Well, I received word over the weekend that the mighty have fallen and my first instinct was to do a happy dance. Then the shame rolled in. Mr. Ego has a wife and children. Turns out the suffering of people at his hands is not quite done. I think Jacob Marley needs to go visit someone else...

Me have a blue Christmas without big cookie...

2007-12-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Cookie Monster sings the blues and other Christmas decorations that are winning the battle. I do love Christmas decorating, but...oh, man. I was assembling my poor Charlie Brown artificial tree, and I do mean Charlie Brown tree, as the tree topper did make the tip flop over. This was only the fun once it was down here; the true fun was bringing it down-hah! It resides in the attic during the off season; the attic is 2 stairways up. Well needless to say whilst dragging it down 2 flights of steps I left a trail of tree entrails in my wake. I actually think I heard it cry during the agonizing trip down. During the reassembly process my cat decided to help out. This of course only meant that my black cat was covered in last year's silver tinsel. My husband is very worried that there will be some sparkly evidence left behind in the cat box! The thought of tinsel turds is hysterical and horrifying. Oh well, he looked very cute, so let's not think about that. Well I'm very tired and the current state of my normally immaculate dining room is depressing me a bit. There is a mahogany table under the baby Rudolph, Bumble(s), Santas, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer reindeer, Ice Ice Baby rappng snowman, carousel, singing Cookie Monster even a cat that sings Baby It's Cold Outside-it's bright pink with long eyelashes over light-up blinking eyes and a head that swivels..thanks dad.

Well, night all, got some Lewis Sructures to draw. Joy..

I am a Beatrix Potter fan!

2007-12-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

I drew this a few years ago in colored pencil. Tell me what you think.

That there is an RV

2007-12-09T12:10:00.001-08:00

Nay-bors, as in nay do. not. want.

2007-12-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

I live next to the Cleverly Hillbillies. I kid you not. We have been treated to a plethora of sheer madness. I have brought this up before on another site, but 32 Halloween inflatables. 32 large Halloween inflatables. 32 eight foot plus inflatables up..all at once..in a yard that is approx 75 feet wide and 130 feet long. Let me add that they are all in the front yard, with the house. The back yard is behind fencing. So there is little room left for the inflate-a-zoo. In the front yard. All 32. Eight to twelve feet tall each. It is daylight all night long from the middle of September to November IN MY YARD!! There is also the joyous hum of 32 fans running ALL NIGHT LONG. Last year's show had a twelve foot vampire bat on my side of their yard. I could look out my second floor bedroom window and be eye to eye wih a bat. This has been the bane of our Halloween for the 3 years that they have lived there now. *sigh* This used to be the only madness that they assaulted us with. Now, we have some Christmas cheer. Cousin Eddie from Lampoon's Christmas Vacation has shown up...in his camper. A big 70's (?) Winnebago (sp, yr?). I can not describe the eyesore. For the utimate effect they have sheets of plywood nailed to one side of this monstrosity. Itadds a certain something..I'm adding a Lampoon's clip for fun, cause yes Cousin Eddie apparently lives next door. Can't wait til the shitter is full...

It's football day

2007-12-09T09:03:00.000-08:00

On almost any given day I consider my husband's 61" big screen TV the antichrist of my Victorian living room. At least when it is off. It is a total crack addiction when it is on though, then I hate myself. So anyway it is football day in the house and we are all guilty of crowding around the tubeand doing little else, save for eating, drinking and some unfortuate cursing (and that's just the kids-I'm kidding, a little). I have to say, not being an Philly Eagles fan, what is up with Donovan? I do not get the hype; he is inconsistent at best and can not seem to see his receivers at the worst. I had such high hopes for Feeley, so close, yet so far away with against the dream team Pats-only to throw game changing interceptions. Pity. So now we're back to the Don. I wonder if Westbrook gets tired of carrying the offense? I really need a drink now. Gentleman Jack oughta do for now.
Well gotta go, I hear the false idol calling...

Holiday Shopping

2007-12-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with people? Holiday shopping is a nightmare as is, but stupid people really up the ante. I returned an item to the store that was broken. Here comes stupid..
Clerk: So you don't want it?
Me: No, it's broken.
Clerk: So you want to return it?
Me: Uh, yes.
Clerk: So you don't want it?
Me: [just staring at talking vegetable clerk in disbelief]
Clerk: cash or store credit?
Me: [shakes head to return to unfortunate reality] cash is fine

Oh, another fine example of oddball store encounters. I stopped into a local Heritage's for coffee on the way to school the other night and as I walked in some guy walked by me and said something like "mm, mm, are you a fine lookin' woman." Sounding like a derelict Hanibal is not the way to my heart, even if it sounds like you only want to eat it, freak.

Anybody else out there on teh interwebs remember when a gas station attendant would actually ask you questions? It used to be pretty standard that the attendant would ask you if you wanted your oil and fluids, like washer fluid, checked. Now you are greeted my some crank who just walks to the window and stares. And stares some more, yet does not speak. Hmmm. Alrighty then. "Can I have 40 of the regular, please?" This is met with more silence as I hand over the card. Nope, still nothing-oh, no wait..The attendant asks "30?" Me, "no 40." More nothing as he walks away. I hear Jeopary music....The attendant returns with slip to sign and thrusts it through window, like up my nose, no words though. So I sign and return saying thank you...yeah, didn't think he'd say anything. Have a nice day to you too, pal.

God, I'm old and cranky.

First! Just kidding. This is about sprawl...

2007-12-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

For my "losing my blogging virginity" post I want to start with..wait for it..suburban sprawl. A lot of my readers (well 1, if Elijah shows up) live in cities and may or may not know what I mean by sprawl. In the past decade or so I have watched many beautiful south Jersey farms either lose their land to eminent domain or sell out to builders. Builders who bring sprawl. Before some of you get offended this is a dumping ground for my thoughts; if you don't like it there are a gazillion ther blogs available to read. The rest who are interested please feel free to leave constructive feedback, whether in agreement or not. I do not engage in arguments for sport. There, nuff said. Back to sprawl. I commute to work along rte 322 and this has gone from many farms and fields to a McMansion domino ralley. It seriously looks like if one topples over, so go the rest. Another bizarre thing that gets me is there are probably hundreds of people in those homes that practice "green" living and recycle. Both good, but you did not recycle one of the biggest things there is. For everyone of those slap and tickle homes that was raised, an old house remained vacant. I guess this is also a sore spot for me; I live in a Victorian and she is around a 110 years old. Of course there is work that needs to be done, but she has stood for a over hundred years, so she is allowed to have flaws. These flaws are more than compensated for by the twin sets of bowed stained glass windows, oak hardwood floors, pine pocket doors, pine and oak staircase and pine columns. She is also graced by front and a side porches leading to beveled, leaded glass pine doors. Don't even get me started on the construction; her bones are very strong including floor beams in the basement that are at least 4x6 solid hewed oak beams. All of our male family members fawn over these alone (big, wood, Tim Allen grunting). Even the roof is a work of art, steeply pitched, multi-hipped, architectural shingles all topped by a cupola. A beauty surounded by cast iron fencing and even a converted gas lamp out front. To me, anyway, she is breathtaking in the snow, especially when she is dressed in her Christmas finest. Well, there are my random thoughts for now on sprawl. For everyone of the sprawl homes I see I picture an old home, that was built to last, getting plowed under. When I get my new camera I will take a picture of one of them sitting abandoned, still beautiful even in neglect. She'll fall soon and another thing of beauty will be gone from Earth forever. For all of you who have, want or support older homes, God bless. For those of you who unwittingly, or worse knowingly, puchased a slapped together sprawl home, good luck to you. My cousin suffered terribly in his, it cracked basement to roofline in multiple areas; it was truly scary and sad. As for the builders, those of you who are genuine and doing the proper thing please continue. The scam builders out there, may you end up living in one of the disasters that you created. They will not stand the test of time, let alone fire or harsh storms. Watch Holmes on Homes, he is certainly watching many of you.

The Kewgr

Gotta Have a Wawa: Too Much Gas?

Spam: Poetry Edition, subject-don't you own parter

Bulk Mail Bonanza: New job! startling edition

Bulk Mail Bonanza: alkmaar edition

Bulk Mail Bonanza: cholinergic edition

Antique Secretary and Desks

Bulk Mail Bonanza: cuticular edition

Things That Don't Exist, But I Want: GrandPop Soda

The Less Than Noble Actions of Some Women

Perp Walkin' at the Supermarket

Ishgate

ScienTomogy

Toon Ups

Workin' at the Catwash

Catholicise

Jezebel

Jezebel

Bobby Blobby and the tale of 3 Fish

Party on f*ckers!

Gawkenstein!

Tata, Tata

Well, look who decided to return...Teh Jewgr

Modeling

He died, a little inside, for our commenting sins

GM shoves head further up own ass

Gawkerus on Mt Olympus reimagined!

Chevy, Chevy, Chevy...*sigh*

The little outlet that could

Some interior photos of my house

To Gawk, or not to Gawk? That is the question.

Merry Kitmas!

Taming the Jew Presents: The Angry Jew, Explained

Glow Kitties

Dream Sports AKA Sports I Play in My Head

Taste of Jamaica

Memories

New Feature

Celtic jewelry, beautiful and timeless...

Where's my Dammitol

Hmm, there is a God, or at least functional kharma

Me have a blue Christmas without big cookie...

I am a Beatrix Potter fan!

That there is an RV

Nay-bors, as in nay do. not. want.

It's football day

Holiday Shopping

First! Just kidding. This is about sprawl...

Chevy, Chevy, Chevy...sigh